Sunday, April 01, 2007

New Life Form!

Southern Blot University chief scientist, and intellectual heir to Sir Isaac Newton, Jack Demsy announced the discovery of a new life form that does not match any known cellular life form on Earth. Dr. Demsy says the pink color is quite unusual and he thinks the life form, which showed up at his door whining to get in, may be tied to mysterious falls of red rain reported recently in parts of India. See reports here, here and here. One difference is that unlike the Indian red rain's cells, this creature appears to have DNA.

Electron micrographs are not yet available but the creature appears to be a single cell with brown cytoplasm (cell goo) and have a nucleus filled with a mixture of DNA and proteins, somewhat resembling marshmallow in texture and taste. The cells' surface is covered with hairs composed of many fused bacterial type flagella and here, run by a sort of egg beater like structure at the base. Most interesting to Dr. Demsy is that the DNA maybe the sort of Z DNA studied by Dr. Beakly at Whynot University.

One feature of the DNAappears to be highly repetitious "satellite" DNA with the sequence 3' TAACUAACT 5' repeating over and over again. Dr. Beakly thinks this is some sort of message but he is not sure what it means except that it may be related to various Bible prophesies obtained by running the King James Version of the Bible through Yahoo's English to Hebrew translator and back again and looking at the reflection of the resulting text in a mirror.

Dr. Demsy has graciously sent me (Why me as opposed to PZ Myers isn't at all clear; does he really think I am not biased?) a specimen to write a formal description which will appear in some sort of peer reviewed journal. Since the organism is entirely new to science I will probably name it Nivosapila kittae in honor of my wife who has an inordinate fondness for a certain confection found at our local Quick Trip.

This is an important discovery lending credence to the notion of panspermia and intelligent design by space aliens. Dr. Demsy notes that the lack of pasta eliminates the Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM) as being the designer. Neither the monster or it's agent would return my e-mails, but a local Pastafarian said that he thinks the whole thing is a hoax contrived by atheists to discredit Pastafarianism.








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